is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
