This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
