I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
