cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
