Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
