One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
