she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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