yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
