I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
