If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
