o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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