Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
