I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
