She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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