Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's always time for handjobs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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