all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
