Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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