i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
