It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
