At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
