someone owes me an orgasm
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
