i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
