She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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