I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
