I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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