I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
