i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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