I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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