they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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