dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
