doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
