I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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