everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
