somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
