I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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