His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
