but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
this just has baby written all over it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
