so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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