overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize