I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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