i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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