he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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