Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
