I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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