dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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