she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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