Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
