so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
