69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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