So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize