he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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