Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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