been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
