I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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