Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
