I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
