u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who died my cat blue again?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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