I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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