There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
