He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
