i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize