We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
