New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
