It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
