Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
