Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm both gender and math confused
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
