Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
zippers are such a cool invention
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
