Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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