someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've blown a few things in my day
only you would photoshop your dick
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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