oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize