Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
