I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
