There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize